I was able to ride in to the office today, and I assure you, it was not short any excitement or typical posturing from the bike path racers. I didn't have any coffee when I woke up, assuming I'd just make it when I got to the office. That being said, my mind really moves in slow motion...especially on the bike...when there is no caffeine. However, today, I performed some really intense analysis on my way in. Analysis? What are you talking about?! Well...let's see!
The use of the bike path is pretty normal around Denver. You can get to some great rides outside of downtown in about 15-45 minutes, but often times you have to ride the path for about 5-10 to get out of the heart of downtown. It's convenient and offers a great way to sorta get the legs started. NO...I don't mean sprinting at all...I'm just saying a normal turn of the pedals to get things going..you know...synch the brain with the legs, the legs with the brain, and, the brain & legs with the workout for the day. Once you're off the path, you're free to do whatever, obeying all traffic laws of course! (*Note, I admit I fracture a law or 2 when it comes to some of the traffic items, but I am very cautious, and make sure that my safety comes first!) However, there is a certain sect of rider that does not honor the law of speeding on the path. In fact, they are just plain dangerous or inconsiderate. Runners, walkers, baby carriages, dogs/etc...they don't care. They just continue to crank and crank and cut people off all the time. It sorta ruins it for the rest of us you know? I can see now why so many people think cyclists are dangerous obstacles. Makes total sense.
Anyway...I digress. The analysis...yes..let's get back.
Ok, so on my way in, I've been able to make some very clear observations about what defines a bike path racer. After countless hours of data analysis and consideration, I actually came up with an equation that determines the degree of bike path racer, and, their "avoidance quotient". The Avoidance Quotiant can be defined as how far away you should stay from said bike path racer...whether they are oncoming, coming up around you to talk while riding, coming up behind you and riding your wheel, or, simply encountering them on the path from behind. The relationship between the degree of bike path racer & avoidance quotient is linear, and obviously the higher the "BPR" value, the higher the "AQ". First, let's look at the equation. Then, we'll dissect the variables that define them. Once you gain a better understanding, you can simply apply the science on your next ride! Let's go!
The equation in its simplest terms is as follows:
BPRv
-------------------------- = AQ
# of applicable criteria
where BPRv= Bike Path Racer value & AQ = Avoidance quotient, and, # of applicable criteria of a BPRv, as discussed below. AQ is measured in dialogue, which can be graded along the following scale:
1. "Ha" - 1 or Minor- Usually internal dialogue, but, often times an actual audible ha is uttered. Usually this is when someone comes speeding around you, or comes up along side and wants to race. They give you the "look" a la Lance to Jan, and take off.
2. "Woah - 2 or Moderate - Usually spoken audibley when someone comes around you VERY close. They proceed to then cut you off because there is oncoming traffic (i.e. approaching cyclist, runner, or walker).
3. "Holy Shit" - 3 or Moderately Severe - At this point, all dialogue is audible and often times spoken AT the offending party, rather than just spoken a loud. "Holy Shit" usually involves blind curves, people going way to fast, and often times cause you to slam on your brakes, or, decrease your speed very rapidly. They never slow to apologize, nor to they turn around and look to see if they've injured anyone/anything.
4. "Holy Shit, woah!" - 4 or Sever - Again, spoken audibley, and basically a Holy Shit in Woah conditions.
5. "Mom?!" - 5 or Extreme - Combination of all of the above, in which, you are sent to the emergency room, or forced off the path/into a crash. You're bell has been rung...possibly.
Let's dissect the left side of the equation first..BPRv. What exactly defines the BPRv? How is it measured? Well, there are some criteria that seem to be pretty consistent:
1. "Squeak Value", or "SqV"...measured in decibels. SqV simply highlights a lack of chain lubricant, and, thus normal bike maintenance neglect. This is a very critical variable, however, can sometimes be considered NULL in value if they sprayed some WD-40 or motor oil onto their chain as a "lubricant.
2. "Bar End Angle", or, "BEA"...measured in degrees, and, is basically the angle to which the bar end has been positioned on the bicycle, as measured from the handlebar. It runs perpendicular, so you'll have to kind of extrapolate. Note...if there are no bar ends, or, the cyclist is riding traditional drop bars, this value is considered NULL or "0".
3. "Bike Sway Factor", or, "BSF"...measured by counting the number of times the bike sways/swings uncontrollably from side to side with each pedal stroke. This, like SqV is an extremely critical value. It cannot be NULL/0.
4. Street Clothes Value, or "SCV"...measured in the number of garments either non-cycling specific (i.e. wearing slacks or a button down shirt), or, a combination of cycling and non-cycling (i..e jersey and normal shorts/collard shirt & bike shorts).
5. Equipment Concerns, or "EC"...measured as an aggregate of a few data points. This value is a sum of the number of "concerning" pieces of bicycle equipment. Here's a rating system:
1. No toe clips/clipless pedals = 1 point
2. Magna, or, any other department store brand bicycle = 2 points
3. Old school, aka, "brain bucket" helmet = 2 points
4. No helmet = 3 points
5. No helmet + camelbak = 4 points
6. Triple crank = 4 points
7. Down tube shifters = 5 points.
Add any of the above points above together for your total "EC" value, then give yourself 2 bonus points if the SqV is considerably high. Also, feel free to create your own variables...like "Pimp Bike to Unshave Legs Factor", or, "Super Low Tire Pressure Coefficient".
So, let's review...
BPRv=AQ
-or-
(SqV + BEA + BSF + SCV) +(EC + any bonus points)= AQ
So, let's apply this particular equation to my ride this morning. The BPRv was given the following variable values:
SqV= Very low
BEA= Zero
BSF= 4 as in very very very shakey!)
SCV= 6 - Denver Broncos Muscle T-shirt and baggy shorts
EC= 11 - No helmet, camel bak, Triple, No toe clips, breathing heavily
PBTUSLF (see above for variable)= 20. Riding a nice Trek Madone with the above qualifiers.
so...
(2 + 0 + 4 + 5) + (20 + 2**)
----------------------------- = AQ
8
(10) + ( 22)
------------- = AQ
8
32
----- = AQ
8
Thus, the avoidance quotient is = 4...
From above, 4 = "Holy Shit, woah!" - 4 or Severe - Again, spoken audibley, and basically a Holy Shit in Woah conditions.
Now, let's examine the situation. I am riding in this morning on the bike path. I am approacing a rather precarious construction area. It is obvious to any primate, or organism with ANY sort of reasoning, that 2 people, let alone 2 people on bicycles, could NOT fit through this area. I approach the area well in advance of this individual, but I see them coming from afar. Now mind you, I am not pedalling, merely coasting, rather slowly mind you, through said area, as there is pretty much only large sand granules and gravel, surrounded by large construction cones and yellow Caution tape. I waited for any people that were walking through the area to clear out before I started to pedal again. However, our good friend approaching did NOT give a rats ass. I am about 1/3 of the way through the short 10 ft stretch of doom, when he comes barrelling through at super-mach speed. I looked up at him...right in the eyes, and put on an "oh shit" look on my face. Nothing. So, I proceeded to come to a full stop, pretty much falling over..of course, screaming "Holy Shit, woah!". I was clipping out and simultaneously falling over as this guy came plowing through. Based on the criteria above, it's obvious he did not look back or anything...
He did say "thanks" for "letting him through" though.
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